Ask Miss M. is a new weekly column presented on High Street Disco, answering your questions related to relationships + dating, terrible bosses, terrible in-laws, and more. Send in your questions (anonymously or others) here.
Dear Miss M,
I met a guy at my job and was instantly attracted to him. We were always working next to each other in random spots around the office, and after a few times of doing this, we introduced ourselves. Well maybe a week or two later, we matched on Tinder and hit it off like crazy (texting nonstop). We had an incredible first date (although I did get too drunk and at one point made him “uncomfortable” because I was apparently manipulating him into saying how he felt about me).
We kissed and then went our separate ways. The next day was the Fourth of July and we texted here and there, I honestly woke up feeling like shit because he’s super cute and smart and I felt like I blew it.
Anyway, now we barely text and while I make moves like wanting to go to dinner or hang out, he never responds favorably to those messages. But other times he will message me nonstop on Instagram, respond to my photos and sending me pictures and videos of his cat. I can’t figure out if he likes me but is just scared to move forward because of my drunken manipulative behavior (and the fact I’m moving in a few months) or if he’s just talking to me to pass the time.
There was one time I said “I’m annoyed because you don’t want to date me” and he just responded “is that something you can be annoyed about” and then proceeded to message me on Instagram about something unrelated 30 mins later. What is going on?!
Neurotic Disco Babe
Dear Neurotic Disco Babe,
First off, let yourself off the hook! While I wouldn’t suggest getting super drunk on a first date, it happens. For the wrong person, they’ll jump at any reason to call things off, and for the right person, they’ll find a reason to forgive and get together again.
I’m just gonna dive in and be blunt, anytime you have to coax someone into hanging out with you, they’re not interested enough. It’s not your job to convince or pull or push or coerce in any way someone to be interested in you. You deserve enthusiasm!
Too often we let fear dictate our dating lives. The assumption is that somehow this person is a rare find that attraction and chemistry are scarce. That isn’t true! Now, do you have to dig through a lot of bad first dates to get to the first dates that go well? Probably, but that doesn’t mean you should cling to someone that is basically brushing you off. Don’t spend another minute worrying about trying to guess at his inner thought process. If he want’s to see you, he’ll ask, it is that simple. If you ask and he doesn’t jump at the offer, then move on.
Just think of all the wonderful people you’re missing out on trying to get this person’s attention. Besides… do you really want to date someone who sends you their cat videos and not flirty texts?